Happy Halloween! Lady Gatita's Tribute to the King of Hell

http://www.youtube.com/v/y6a6zD3M-Nc?version=3&autohide=1&showinfo=1&autohide=1&feature=share&autoplay=1&attribution_tag=88pCbszb1H7WxUHzTy-uBQ

My beautiful sexy nerds!

Last night my nerd group nerd-vana performed to a pack house at legends.  Its Oct so we went with obvious theme. Fantasy,d&d and roleplaying games.  It was the most balanced show we've had.  We had music from the blithering humdingers, metricula and comedy rock star Mikey Mason!  A galley of sexy burlesque dancers.  From lady violet arcane and her performance to a metal version of baby got back in scale mail. Ashes rolling her d6's.  Claudia vainglory' s tribute to her avatar.  Memphis debuting her fliking skills as well as her assets. Thank goodness we found a d&d book big enough to cover them. We had janet s. Planets and her debut to raleigh stage.  Lich bitches is all I have to say. And then there was jackson and his tribute to the princess bride.  Theres no decribing it you really had to be there. 
And if you weren't there you missed strip d and d.  Which was epic as well as the you shall not pass contest.   

I almost forgot The Lord War Bunny's debut on  stage with his spoken word piece "game night" with Mikey Mason playing guitar behind him.   
I have an epic crew. My host Rich who keeps the crowd on their toes and in stitches with his rule 34 erotica.   Monique and Melz taking care of the front of the house. And our stage manager jynxx who herds the cats.  And glittery nerdy cats are not easy to herd.    I couldn't do this show without them.  Its the bright spot in my week as I begin a difficult journey.   I head up north today so I can be with my mom as she starts her first round of chemo.    Its all these folks that have allowed me to not fall into a deep depression.   Its these people and many more of my friends who have made this trip to ny possible.  I am so grateful.

Rule 63, body image and burlesque

Saturday I debuted the crowley burlesque.  Sunday I taped my Halloween video featuring a crowley fire dance.   I have been a little obsessed with Crowley lately. With no other fandoms with fresh content, I steeped myself into supernatural.  And with with real life kind of sucking lately I retreated into my fandom.  
At the moment I noticed I have an attraction to rule 63.   I had already a Lady Jayne.  So I decided Lady Crowley had to happen.   Something interesting happened.  I felt very sexy and powerful as Crowley.  Even though I show almost no skin.  The power suit with the tie and corset were empowering..

Lady Jayne I feel fearless (you have to be to wear that ridiculous bra) 
My Crowley burlesque was a bit of a stretch cause if you ever seen me do burlesque it tends to be more on the silly ridiculous side rather then sexy. And this was on the sexy side. Not my comfort zone.  Its easy to take my clothes if I'm being silly. If its sexy all the body issues come into play.  Are people going to think I look like a whale? Are they to be  going to be cruel etc etc...
I find I'm much more brave on stage thay i am in real life, but I tend hide behind comedy.  

So I was trying to figure out why I'm so attracted to rule 63.  Its two fold.  First, there are very few badass characters that are female that don't wear a thong and bra, or as my roommate say armor of distraction.  

Second, its a body image thing.  It just occurred to me that if I fem a male character i don't have to worry that body doesn't look like the character cause i've changed the gender.  

So even when I think I've gotten over my body issues they are still there.  I struggle with them every day.  I'm still some peoples worst nightmare.  A fat cosplayer, performer, burlesque dancer who is not afraid to be sexy and completely dresses and acts inappropriately for her age and size. 

Those people who put down fat cosplayers forget, We don't do this for you.  We do this for ourselves and the love of the character.  For me its an escape.  When things get bad in real life I can escape into my fandom.  Its supposed to be a safe space. Most of the time it is.  

I find for me the fear of not doing something is greater then the fear of doing it.  

More crowley burlesque pieces

More pieces from the crowley number I'm unveiling tonight.  The panties with the angel sigil on the butt.  No photo but the front has an Enoican (sp?) Symbol in silver Sequin on the front.  The devils trap pasties (yay!)   And of course the sequin devils horns and crown barrettes.  This is burlesque felt the need for a little sparkle.

Rule 63 once again... first Lady Jayne now Lady Crowley

So my current obsession is supernatural and Mark Sheppard.  I ♡ Crowley.   So I have a fire routine and a burlesque tribute to him!  So I had to come up with a costume.   Of course it had to have burlesque touches.  So here's a sneak peek.
I really proud of the horn barrettes and crown.

Let me step up on my soap box for a minute.

   This Blog is going to be dedicated to Nerd costuming, arts and crafts that I design, but first I have something to say. 


  So most of my fellow firefly fans out there in the internets have seen this picture.
This bra was made for a burlesque number for the Nerd-core variety show: Nerd-vana.

Mikey Mason and the female cast of the Sci-fi double feature show

My idea for the sci-fi themed show was to do a tribute to Jayne Cobb my favorite character from Firefly. The train of though was: "How funny would it be if I wore 3 hats, only one would be on my head." And then it morphed into: "What if it was a bra?"  The night of the sci-fi show arrived and I proudly showed my fellow performers my bra. I thought it was the funniest, goofiest number I had ever come up with. (I had two grenades and a small toy gun in my men's boxer briefs. Being sexy was the furthest thing from my mind.) My burlesque numbers tend to be on the funny side, and mostly nerdy. Something about geek culture makes me want to take my clothes off. But that's besides the point. One of my fellow performers (Mikey Mason) asked if he could take a picture of the bra. And he snapped the photo below with his cellphone:

     A conversation with Mikey on his facebook page about the show and a picture taken of him with the female cast members sparked a comment about the bra. I told him he could post the picture of bra. He added the sparklers  to make it "shiny" (also done on his phone.) And then the next thing I know my body is all over the internet. First Facebook, then imgur/Reddit then twitter. Then the picture started to show up on the sci-fi blogs. I was very proud that something I made and designed was being enjoyed by Firefly fans all over the world. Then came the fear of the comments... This wasn't just something I made and designed this was me. My body. A size 18 woman in just a pair of khakis and a bra that was basically a boob cozy. What would people say? Would they be cruel? Would they get the joke? I have found most of the comments have been hilarious and/or positive. So many funny firefly references about my breasts. A lot of "I'll be in my bunk" and "a woman walks down the street in a bra like that, you know she is not afraid of anything... Then there were nasty comments. Some people claiming the picture was Photoshopped. And others about how I looked like a cheap whore or how fat and ugly I was. When a friend of mine or I commented on a thread or blog there were no mean comments or they stopped. There was one blog where I did not get to comment and the comments were very nasty and mean. One guy posted my Facebook page and proclaim "that you would need an eye bleaching after looking at it." I have to admit some of the comments did make me delete one photo on Nerd-vana Facebook page. I didn't think the photo was flattering and I'm ashamed to say I let these ignorant people bully me into taking the photo down. I almost didn't put up the video of the Big Damn Tribute number up on youtube. I am so lucky I have the most amazing friends who helped me realized I should not be ashamed. And they wanted me to put up the video. So I did. I will not allow myself to be bullied anymore into being ashamed of the way I look. I have always danced and loved to perform. I do perform rather regularly and not just for the sexy Nerd-core show I produce. I have worked with several performance groups in the triangle area as well as the city of Raleigh.

Me as at The Statue of Liberty with Maximus Circus for the city of Raleigh 4th of July celebration 2012

 I refuse to hate my body. And some days its harder then others. I have never been smaller then 12/14 as a teen and adult. And at my fittest (I was kickboxing 3-5 days a week.) And at 5'1 I weighted 175 pounds. I was about a size 12/14. So I have never been "skinny".  I do weigh more then I would like to right now but I'm not looking to go A diet,. I am working on a plan to get fit and stronger to make me a better performer. Which can be difficult on my schedule and budget. I am not going to wait to do what I love until I lose weight. I refuse to hide because I make a few cowardly people uncomfortable. Burlesque is one small part of my public performances. Nerd-vana is a body positive Variety show. We encourage men and women of all ages, shapes, sizes and talents to perform with us. Its about talent and originality. Many women of all sizes hate their bodies. We are encouraged to hate each other. A few of the comments about being fat or looking like a whore were from women. Skinny women are supposed to tease and pity the fat girls. Fat girls are supposed to hate the skinny girls in return cause they are skinny. "pretty" girls are supposed to pity "ugly" girls and "ugly" girls are supposed to hate the "pretty" girls. And we all are supposed to want to look like a Photoshopped image of what a beautiful woman is supposed to looks like that doesn't really exists.
 FUCK THAT!
 We need to stop hating ourselves and each other. It's going to take time. And it will be hard. God knows how many times I have wallowed in my own low self esteem. And I have allowed others to make feel bad about my body. What motivates me to put myself out there is that fear of not doing something is stronger then the fear of doing it. I don't want to live my life saying what if, because I was too shamed of what I looked like or afraid of what people might think. I'm single right now not because I 'm too fat or ugly to get a man. But because I work 2 jobs, produce a show, perform gigs around town and design and make a good portion of my props and costumes. And of course practicing my skills and rehearsing also take time. And occasionally I get time to hang out with my friends. So anyone who tells you fat people are lazy has never seen my schedule. I struggle at times, I don't have a lot of money but for the most part I enjoy my life... I will continue to enjoy my life. If you don't approve, oh well it sucks to be you... I am 40, a performer, I have amazing friends and I get to do some pretty cool stuff. And you what I'm beautiful My life is pretty good. You don't have to think I'm beautiful. That's your opinion you are entitled to it.  And you know what?  There is no need to be mean

     Do what makes you happy, and try to resist the urge to shrink into the background cause someone shames you into doubting and/or hating yourself.

The big damn tribute burlesque video.

I'll step off my soapbox now....