Rule 63, body image and burlesque

Saturday I debuted the crowley burlesque.  Sunday I taped my Halloween video featuring a crowley fire dance.   I have been a little obsessed with Crowley lately. With no other fandoms with fresh content, I steeped myself into supernatural.  And with with real life kind of sucking lately I retreated into my fandom.  
At the moment I noticed I have an attraction to rule 63.   I had already a Lady Jayne.  So I decided Lady Crowley had to happen.   Something interesting happened.  I felt very sexy and powerful as Crowley.  Even though I show almost no skin.  The power suit with the tie and corset were empowering..

Lady Jayne I feel fearless (you have to be to wear that ridiculous bra) 
My Crowley burlesque was a bit of a stretch cause if you ever seen me do burlesque it tends to be more on the silly ridiculous side rather then sexy. And this was on the sexy side. Not my comfort zone.  Its easy to take my clothes if I'm being silly. If its sexy all the body issues come into play.  Are people going to think I look like a whale? Are they to be  going to be cruel etc etc...
I find I'm much more brave on stage thay i am in real life, but I tend hide behind comedy.  

So I was trying to figure out why I'm so attracted to rule 63.  Its two fold.  First, there are very few badass characters that are female that don't wear a thong and bra, or as my roommate say armor of distraction.  

Second, its a body image thing.  It just occurred to me that if I fem a male character i don't have to worry that body doesn't look like the character cause i've changed the gender.  

So even when I think I've gotten over my body issues they are still there.  I struggle with them every day.  I'm still some peoples worst nightmare.  A fat cosplayer, performer, burlesque dancer who is not afraid to be sexy and completely dresses and acts inappropriately for her age and size. 

Those people who put down fat cosplayers forget, We don't do this for you.  We do this for ourselves and the love of the character.  For me its an escape.  When things get bad in real life I can escape into my fandom.  Its supposed to be a safe space. Most of the time it is.  

I find for me the fear of not doing something is greater then the fear of doing it.