Thursday, June 9, 2016

Grief and Cosplay

When I was 12 my mother took me to see Splash in the theater. As the credits rolled, my mother turned to me and said "You're going to be a mermaid for Halloween." And I was.  I remember how we found the perfect fabric and how excited I was to try on my costume. I didn't care walking was difficult, I looked fabulous in my tail.
Me and my sister on Halloween
My mom made all our Halloween costumes. She loved to sew.  As I got older I taught my self to sew and I started to make my own costumes. It was one of the things me and my Mom bonded over. I inherited her love and artistic ability for arts, crafts and sewing.
When my mom first got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer I came home for two weeks at the end of October.  Which means I'd be in NY for Halloween. I wanted to go out for Halloween with my sister but she whined she didn't have a costume. So our mother and I whipped up a Malenficent in two hours.
Halloween 2013

People were stopping her on the street for photos. Mommy and I were really proud of ourselves.
My mother put up a fight against her cancer for 2 1/2 years. Christmas of 2015 was when her health began to really detriorate.  The last week of March I brought her grandchildren to spend their spring break with her and my sister (their mother). This week also coinsided with the NY Nerdlesque festival.  I was stage kittening and gogo dancing for the festival so I had to have something fabulous.  So while I was with my family in NY with my moms input I made a sassy little Tardis outfit complete with a sequin and rhinestone head lamp that lit up.


I modeled it for my mom without the wig and she loved it.  She told me how beautiful I looked.  (She perferred it without the wig but since I bought the wig I was going to wear it.)
Needless to say my tardis was a big hit. I had told her that wanted to wear this to convention but I would have to add a skirt. Mommy tells me I don't need a skirt. I disagreed if I was going to wear it out during the day I'd need a skirt. 

I brought the kids back to NC and immediately had to make arrangements to come back to NY. Mom's health was failing. As my sister and took care of I started to design the additions to the tardis. I ordered galaxy leggings and decided I wanted a tutu.  I wanted to look like a ballerina.
My mother died May 3rd 2016.
I got back to my life in North Carolina just before Animazement.   I was able to finish the additions to the cosplay in time.

I felt so beautiful.  I got at lot of complements on it. 
The next weekend was concarolinas.  I made a few changes on the cosplay.


I added the lights and didn't wear the mask and I forgot the wig so I had to go with my natural hair.  I think my mom was right. I like it better without the wig. I think it needs more lights but again I felt beautiful, when ever I put this outfit on I feel a little sad because I know my mother would of loved it.  I would do anything to hear her tell me how beautiful she thought I looked.  I just wanted to wear something beautiful. 
I am grieving the loss of my mom.  Everytime I make something I think of her. I learned my love of creating costumes from her.  She was with me at animazement and concarolinas in spirt making sure I felt beautiful because that's they way she always saw me. My mother was the most beautiful person I ever had the honor to know and love.